How to Parent in the Pews

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Nate Devlin. June 7, 2026. Mark 10:13-16.

Summary

Why a series on parenting in the pew? Raising children in the faith is a duty, and there are three reasons. First, the only thing worse than the sound of children in the church is the sound of no children in the church. But the sound of children does not mean training is happening. That which is assumed can be lost, and you get what you inspect, not what you expect. Children are a blessing, but also a challenge, so we need to know what Scripture requires.

Second, we have taken vows. At every baptism the congregation promises to assume responsibility with the parents for the Christian nurture of the child, to the end that the child may one day confess Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. Some of us are parents, some are grandparents, but all of us are godparents. Third, Jesus expects it: that we bring our children to church and attend to their formation, and as we form them, we are formed after Christ.

The big idea: don’t keep from Jesus the things that belong to Jesus. “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them” (Mark 10:14). Don’t age-segregate the children out of worship. Christ promises to meet us when we gather; bring your kids. Sinclair Ferguson has observed that Jesus reserved his harshest words for the Pharisees and for those who harm or hinder children (Luke 17:2). Not just bring them; bring them and train them. “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it” (Mark 10:15): whoever is not moldable and trainable is not fit for the kingdom. God wants us transformed, and he expects us to form our kids.

A book that helped my wife and me was Robbie Castleman’s Parenting in the Pews. Her second chapter is titled “Worship B.C. and A.D.”: before children and after diapers. She once believed, as many do, that worship was primarily about her, and many parents have since confessed to her, “I used to get more out of church before I had kids.” She needed a redefinition: worship is first and foremost about God, not us. Marva Dawn puts it well: worship is about offering a sacrifice before it can be about receiving a blessing. The question is not what I get out of worship but what God gets out of it. Castleman says worship requires work, but today “we worship our work, work at our play, and play at our worship.”

Training children for worship is the fulfillment of Romans 12:1, presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice, “which is your spiritual worship.” To the extent that you are training your children in worship, you are worshiping. Castleman’s paradigm shift: “We don’t come on Sunday to sit with our kids in the church; we come to offer worship,” and “a great deal of parenting we do in the pew is letting our children see us worshiping before the Lord.”

So, practically. Know your chief end: to glorify God and enjoy him forever. It cannot be the chief end of our children if it is not ours. Prioritize your time. This will sound scandalous, and in some places you might get arrested for saying it, but worship is more important than sleepovers, birthday parties, and Sunday sports. They do not compare, and God suffers no rivals. Is the Lord’s Day inviolable, or is the time God sets aside fungible, some for worship and some for the Steelers game or the sleepover? Prepare: Sunday comes every seven days. At the beach one year I told the kids, you cannot turn your back to the waves, because another one is coming. Sunday will always come until the Lord comes again. In our house worship began on Saturday night, with clothes, breakfast, bags, and tithe ready. We had a strong-willed child, and firstborns always want to barter, so on Saturday night we said: choose whatever you want, as long as it is the red dress or the blue dress. Practice paying attention: sit where training requires, sit as a family, and use the bathroom first. Attention is built through discipline, and it might even require spanking; see Worship and Wooden Spoons in this series.

Respect age appropriateness: by age four a child should sit through the whole service; train the littlest ones in the nursery, then bring them back. Men, sing out and lead the way; a child will never engage more than what he sees the men doing. Lean into rewards: at lunch ask, “What was the Big Idea today?” Train throughout the week; let them hear you pray, give thanks, forgive, and read the Bible. Finally, affirm your child’s Christian identity. God confers identity in baptism; this is not baptismal regeneration but covenant belonging. Tell your child they are a covenant child, this is a Christian home, and you are raising them as Christians. Enough with all this pro-choice nonsense where we let kids decide for themselves when they feel good and ready. They must still come to saving faith by the Holy Spirit, but all along we told our kids: you are Christians, so live like it.

You can expect more from your children. Children in worship does not mean childcare in the sanctuary; the sanctuary is a training ground. Parents, you can expect more from your children in worship because Jesus expects more from them.

Key texts: Mark 10:13-16; Luke 17:2; Romans 12:1

For reflection

• Is the glory of God the chief end of my own life, or am I expecting of the children something that is not yet true of me?
• Do I treat the Lord’s Day as inviolable, or do sleepovers, birthday parties, and Sunday sports regularly outrank worship in our home?
• What is one thing I can do this Saturday night so that worship begins before Sunday morning, and what could my children see me doing in the pew this week?