Worship and Wooden Spoons

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Nate Devlin. June 21, 2026. Hebrews 12:5-11.

Summary

In Parenting in the Pews, under “Being Firm,” Robbie Castleman recalls asking each of her sons privately what had helped him most to appreciate learning to worship. Both gave the same answer: the morning she marched him out and spanked him. It happened once, but they knew she was serious from then on. “Empty threats and parental frustration are never much help at all,” she writes; being serious “should be applied in private and with consistency.”

Worship and wooden spoons go together because the Bible puts them together. The big idea: discipline, including corporal punishment, is an expression of love toward our children and God’s prescribed strategy for training. Spanking is not the only method at a parent’s disposal, but it is the only one God commands. It has fallen out of favor in the culture and in the church; developmental psychology and expert books have flooded the church with ways to raise children without the biblical prescription of spanking. So from time to time a pastor must re-prove what God has said (2 Timothy 4:2). God said it; we do it.

So let me re-prove it. “The Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives” (Hebrews 12:6). “Chastises” is sanitized; the Greek means to flog or scourge, quoting Proverbs 3:11-12. Ecclesiastes 8:11 tells us why: when the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart is fully set to do evil. What must you do to get dandelions in your yard? Nothing. “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24). Abuse must be condemned, and we will not tolerate it. But spanking is not abuse. Spanking is love as God defines it. “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). “If you strike him with the rod, he will not die”; you “will save his soul from Sheol” (Proverbs 23:13-14): physical discipline, spiritual consequence. “A child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15); fathers, discipline your children because you love your wife.

Now, do we believe the Bible? E. J. Pace’s 1922 cartoon The Descent of the Modernists shows a staircase down from Christianity, beginning with “the Bible is not infallible” and ending in atheism. I would add one more step: no spanking. The first step down is always a wedge between the Christian and the authority of Scripture. Do we believe Ephesians 6:4, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”? Paideia is direction, education, and culture; nouthesia is correction, including confrontation. Together they produce Christian formation.

Practically. Have a plan before discipline is necessary, a liturgy of discipline, with both parents on board; it is a process, not an event. It starts with a biblical anthropology: your child is not a saint but a sinner. I joke with our kids that they are the worst roommates I ever had, and that is true until they are trained. Time-outs are permissible supplements, never substitutes. A plan keeps you from disciplining in anger, where abuse comes in. Never negotiate or reason with a child; they are terrorists, and you are the adult. Redirection has limited value; their heart is bound up with folly and they will go back to sin. Gentle parenting never works; there is no such thing as successful gentle parenting. Always use a spoon, a rod, or a paddle, never your hand: hands are for affection, rods for correction. Spanking is not hitting. Explain the reason first. Spank on the bottom, three at most; after that you are in the flesh. Give them time to think, then have them name what they did wrong. The aim is repentance: “I’m sorry,” answered by “I forgive you.” Discipline does not stop until there is a change of heart, which you will see in their countenance, and it ends with a hug and “I love you.”

The Christian ethical tradition says corporal punishment must be swift, close to the infraction; severe, enough to deter, lest we heal the wound lightly (Jeremiah 6:14); and public, never before other children, but known in the household. Pray before, during, and after. Your child will test you in public. Once my wife was grocery shopping with our kids and they were acting out of their sin nature. She did not have the spoon, so she left the full cart in the store, drove them home, and spanked them, and they learned they could not get away with anything. More spanking early means less pain later. Spanking is not an end but a means to a joyful Christian culture in the home. Believe the Bible and just do it. There are no problem verses in the Bible.

Spanking must be matched by affection: two dials, both turned up to eleven. Jim Wilson, in How to Be Free from Bitterness, writes that “disobedience is directly proportional to the shortfall in love”; a child whose only attention is a spanking will disobey to get attention. Pour it on.

Disciplining children produces self-disciplined adults. Discipline drives things out, love puts things in, so that the controls are internal when you are not there. God wants the same for us, and so he disciplines those he loves, that when temptation comes we may flee and walk by faith.

Key texts: Hebrews 12:5-11; Proverbs 3:11-12; Ecclesiastes 8:11; Proverbs 10:13; Proverbs 13:24; Proverbs 19:18; Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 23:13-14; Proverbs 29:15; Ephesians 6:4; 2 Timothy 4:1-2; Jeremiah 6:14

For reflection

• Do I receive the Bible’s commands about discipline as commands, or as suggestions I may politely set aside?
• Do we have a settled plan for discipline that both parents agree on, so that correction is never a reaction in the heat of the moment?
• Is the affection dial in our home turned up as high as the discipline dial, and how would our children answer that question?